By Salome Loving

Photo: “‘Opportunity is often delivered in a fog of uncertainty.'” by Thomas Leuthard is licensed under CC BY 2.0

What happens when certainty fails you?

When the guaranteed abandons

After you did everything right

What happens?

What takes residence inside you

When what you prepared for does not arrive

How do you welcome what you never expected?

Do you welcome the unbidden, the unimagined,

The new that did not have a name

Because it was never on your radar

You liken it to what you had

Been anticipating

And you realize too late that was a mistake

Comparison brings longing

Longing brings grief

Mourning

Pain

All the things you sought to avoid in the first place

By going cookie cutter and following the carefully laid out plan to the letter

Obedience did not provide insulation (Where’s the damn warranty?!)

From the sorrow that now inhabits you.

Losing sucks.

Specifically the loss of a dream

sucks

Pain yes

Perishing from the pain

Well. . .

No

Still here

But different

Wondering

Hurting and wondering

Wary

Cautious

Very nearly afraid

You tiptoe around it

You tiptoe around what was un-forseen

You catch a glimpse of yourself

As you survey it

Surprise overtakes you

As you notice

Perhaps

For the first time

Something of your own substance

Your own strength

Your own viability.

And it occurs to you

That vitality grows when tested

In the murkiness of the unstable, the uncertain

The unknown.